Disclaimer: This post went into a rant I didn’t expect or necessarily want. My point is about books, but it’s hard not to rant about the pressures put on us by society when it comes to miscarriage. I’ve decided to keep all that I wrote in, but crossed it out because while I feel it is important, I also understand that not everyone wants to read that. So, read at your own discretion. Skip the crossed-out parts if you so wish.
Why are we made to believe that early miscarriage doesn’t matter? I became very frustrated recently when I went on a search for novels about miscarriage, or partially about miscarriage. I love reading about things that I have experienced. In a way, it can help to read about similar experiences to yours, that you can really relate to, even if they are fictitious. But what I found was incredibly disheartening. The only books I could seem to find about early miscarriage seemed to have to involve MORE than just that. It had to be multiple miscarriages, or miscarriages while the woman’s mother is diagnosed with cancer or such things. Otherwise, it’s stillbirths and infant deaths. I could not find a single book dealing with only an early miscarriage as the focus of the book. It’s like an early miscarriage isn’t enough. It’s like it doesn’t matter.
And then I got to thinking that this is actually what society is engraving in our minds, isn’t it? It’s incredibly common and you’re not supposed to talk about it if it’s before 12 weeks (which I think is BS). You’re not supposed to bring up your pregnancy until it passes the period when there is a higher probability to miscarry. What kind of crap is that? And then if you are unlucky enough to experience the miscarriage, you are forced to grieve alone. I could go on and on about all the things I disagree with on this subject. It’s absolutely ludicrous to me. I hate our society for this.
I lost a child. It doesn’t matter that said child was never born. It doesn’t matter that we never found out the sex. It doesn’t matter that the baby didn’t make it past 12 weeks…past 6 weeks (even though I didn’t find out until 12 weeks). My body grew to make room for him. He grew inside me for 6 weeks. By 6 weeks, it is a baby. A heartbeat can be picked up at this stage. That’s a living being. So, when that living being dies, it should be mourned as such. The mother shouldn’t have to go through “labour” by herself and hide it. The mother shouldn’t have to flush her baby down the fucking toilet.
My point is I would really like to read books about others that have gone through similar things as I have gone through. Miscarriage being one topic I would love to read about. But early miscarriage, because that is what happened in my circumstances. It makes me angry and sad that people feel like they can’t talk about it.