Depiction of Miscarriage in Books

3 August, 2018 / 6 Comments

Disclaimer: This post went into a rant I didn’t expect or necessarily want.  My point is about books, but it’s hard not to rant about the pressures put on us by society when it comes to miscarriage.  I’ve decided to keep all that I wrote in, but crossed it out because while I feel it is important, I also understand that not everyone wants to read that.  So, read at your own discretion.  Skip the crossed-out parts if you so wish.

Why are we made to believe that early miscarriage doesn’t matter?  I became very frustrated recently when I went on a search for novels about miscarriage, or partially about miscarriage.  I love reading about things that I have experienced.  In a way, it can help to read about similar experiences to yours, that you can really relate to, even if they are fictitious.  But what I found was incredibly disheartening.   The only books I could seem to find about early miscarriage seemed to have to involve MORE than just that.  It had to be multiple miscarriages, or miscarriages while the woman’s mother is diagnosed with cancer or such things.  Otherwise, it’s stillbirths and infant deaths.  I could not find a single book dealing with only an early miscarriage as the focus of the book.  It’s like an early miscarriage isn’t enough.  It’s like it doesn’t matter.

And then I got to thinking that this is actually what society is engraving in our minds, isn’t it?  It’s incredibly common and you’re not supposed to talk about it if it’s before 12 weeks (which I think is BS).  You’re not supposed to bring up your pregnancy until it passes the period when there is a higher probability to miscarry.  What kind of crap is that?  And then if you are unlucky enough to experience the miscarriage, you are forced to grieve alone.  I could go on and on about all the things I disagree with on this subject.  It’s absolutely ludicrous to me.  I hate our society for this.

I lost a child.  It doesn’t matter that said child was never born.  It doesn’t matter that we never found out the sex.  It doesn’t matter that the baby didn’t make it past 12 weeks…past 6 weeks (even though I didn’t find out until 12 weeks).  My body grew to make room for him.  He grew inside me for 6 weeks.  By 6 weeks, it is a baby.  A heartbeat can be picked up at this stage.  That’s a living being.  So, when that living being dies, it should be mourned as such.  The mother shouldn’t have to go through “labour” by herself and hide it.  The mother shouldn’t have to flush her baby down the fucking toilet.

My point is I would really like to read books about others that have gone through similar things as I have gone through.  Miscarriage being one topic I would love to read about.  But early miscarriage, because that is what happened in my circumstances.  It makes me angry and sad that people feel like they can’t talk about it.

Share your story: Don’t you love to read books that you can relate to in a real way?  What if you couldn’t find any books on that topic?  Please, please recommend me books on the topic of early miscarriage if you know of any!!

Feature photo originally designed by Freepik, modified by Sharing Inspired Kreations

Posted 3 August, 2018 by Sam in Books, Discussions / 6 CommentsTags: , , , , , , , ,

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6 Responses to “Depiction of Miscarriage in Books”

  1. I SO agree with you! I lost my first baby, and I was devastated. Like you, I lost the baby probably at somewhere around 6-8 weeks but didn’t know until 12 weeks. The actual experience of losing the baby was so painful and traumatic—I was not at all prepared because we just don’t talk about it. We aren’t supposed to mourn a baby who was “barely there” in the first place, but we do. I went through a very difficult time afterward, and then it was so hard for me to trust that everything was okay in subsequent pregnancies.

    You have a right to your emotions, and you should know that others (many others) have shared your experiences.

    • Sam

      Thank you. I’m soooo sorry for your loss. It’s really made out to be less than what it is, isn’t it? Which doesn’t make sense at all. You’re right – it was totally painful and traumatic. And yet I was completely unprepared because people don’t talk about it. You don’t even realize how devastating it is unless you experience it. Again, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

  2. I’m sorry for your loss. I think that what you feel is legit. You have a right to mourn and you have a right to feel the way you feel. No one can dictate what you should and should not feel. I’ve never been pregnant but I totally understand how you feel. I’m a nurse and I tell you, many people grieve differently and that is understandable.

    This is also quite coincidental. I read a This Heart of Mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips and the main character miscarried around the 6 weeks mark and she went through a depression. She went through a grieving process which took a while.

  3. There are many parts of women’s experience that are not explored in literature. There’s a lot of silence and taboos surrounding our emotional-physical life, because it can be so raw and uncontrollable. I think this is starting to change but it will take time, and some courageous writers and publishers.

    I went through a first-trimester miscarriage nine years ago that I’m still processing. I had so much trouble talking honestly to anyone about my feelings, which were colored by an abusive relationship that I was not able to face. This is all finally coming to light and being worked out, and I’m so glad, but I wish I’d been able to get help earlier.

    Finding our experiences reflected and confirmed through reading is one thing that helps, so I hope you will find books that strengthen you in that way. And while you search, as Nicole said, know that you have a right to your emotions! If something matters to you, it matters, period.

    • Sam

      I’m so sorry for your loss and your experiences with it. It’s so hard when you have to go through something like that alone. Even harder for someone in an abusive relationship. I agree there are other parts of women’s experiences that are missing in books. Thanks so much for your comment. <3

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